with me anymore. I honestly have no idea what Im doing. Ever since I left school and finished my exams I have no idea who I am. I never revised enough, but I just can't get my head around having crappy results. In my mind Ive passed them all with A's and I'm going to try and kill myself when it comes out that I did worse than my sister and Failed myself with C's and B's and nothing higher. When I know that if i'd have worked at it I could have done so much better. I made an arse of myself at Bethans party and became a drunken retard. I was sat in a chair for 2 bloody hours and the only people that weren't straight out laughing at me were the ones who were just looking fir a cheap snog. Which is generally what ive become now. I threw myself all over Joe who I know fancies me. He practically adores me, and he never took advantage. I appreciate that. Then why is it that I have the oppurtunity to be with three guys who are funny and caring if not a bit shy sometimes. The kind of boys that you know would treat you right and be completely devoted. If I have this then why the fuck do i keep throwing myself at tards that don't deserve me. The typical bad boy, who gropes my arse whilst talking to his mates and rams his tongue so far down my throat I want to hurl. I made out with Luke, who yea, I adore him. I liked him for the longest time and never got anything. Then whilst he was drunk and I was tipsy got off with him infront of Joe and Todd, and then was stupid enough to ask them both what was wrong. Last week I met a guy on myspace and met him at Rebellion last night. Within 5 minutes of meeting him we were all over each other and he was biting my bottom lip, which at the time okay I appreciated. However I was doing this in front of Phil who is the last of the perfectly decent boys. I didn't feel bad about it at the time either. The freaking bastard had his hand up my skirt and undid my bra in a fully lit bar. He completely took advantage of me and I let him. I knew then and I know now that it meant nothing, but i've realised that I've quite possibly hurt someone in the process. And why is that when I ever make out with any of these tossers that all they are ever looking for is a cheap snog and a bit of a grope. They don't ever like me. When their mates ask, "whos she?" They only ever turn round and say "Oh shes just some kid" or "We're jsut mates". If I could take them back I would. But I've learnt that theres no point in regretting things. I'm turning into the sort of girl I ahte. And if this is all that college entails I don't want to go. I hate this the past what six weeks have torn my life apart. I honestly have no idea who I am anymore. | 